old and new

well, i guess it's officially ok to talk about here on the ol' public blog...

i was offered a job at a new place of employment, and graciously accepted :)

to be honest, it came out of nowhere - and it took a lot of thinking and reasoning before i came to my answer - but i do, in my heart, believe it's for the best!

this has, however, not made saying goodbye to my current job any easier!

over the past year, i've really bonded and blossomed friendships with many old and new faces. this place has taken good care of me, and i will be taking with me a lot of good experience and wisdom.

i feel excited, scared and anxious to get involved at the new place - yet i'm full of sadness to leave my current work family.

i guess this is growing up.... and being a grown up :)

so here's goodbye to my old desk...

and hello to my new one :)

although, i think we can agree that my new office needs a trip or two to ikea and a few toys [!!!]

here's to new beginnings... it is fall, after all - and if you know me, that's always been my season of major change.

tonight is the MUSE with METRIC live !!!!

tomorrow is my last official day here, and tomorrow night, my band [mypetraptor] plays a show.

that leaves me with a very [very] tired wednesday and first day of the next chapter in my work life. i should probably think up a fun nickname for my new job [since i'm pretty sure it infringes the privacy policy to mention it here]. how about.... well, we'll see if my first day sheds any light.

have a wonderful monday, my lovelies!

I’m not quite sure where to even start.

Yesterday turned out to be more than I bargained for.
Maybe it was because I didn’t get enough sleep. Maybe it’s because I’m detoxing. Maybe it’s because I have problems??? Ha.

This entry will serve many purposes – the most important one to me at the time, will be to mellow me out and organize my thoughts [hopefully, anyway].
Let’s start with Tuesday night. Wow.
For starters, I got to see some friends I haven’t seen in what feels like a lifetime… one being mister Cassidy – a dear friend for the past 13 years… wow! We never see each other anymore - a sad result of conflicting schedules over the past few years - but a good concert always brings us back together :D
Also in attendance was my brudder, seastar and Brittany [who I really need to hang out with more… seriously loving that girl]. In agreement with Steph [seastar], I really wish Shell could be there, but hopefully I’ll see her around soon 
The concert of course, to which I speak of, was the Of Montreal show!
Music is, and always has been my cure all. As soon as we walked into the venue, it was like all my trouble had melted away. Janelle Monae was rocking the shit out of the stage, and I was instantly enamored. To say she was talented – that the music was amazing – that I can’t get enough of her – is a disservice to the overall delivery she so skillfully administered. You just have to see her. Please. Youtube her now – and make sure you watch at least one live performance.
I was pleased that her set was long enough to have honestly been the headliner. I’m NEVER like that with opening bands – no matter how much I enjoy them. I’m usually far too anxious for the headliner to start, often saying ‘I’d like them so much more if I wasn’t waiting for --------- to play after them!’
By the by, I was pumped. The adrenaline rush I get at a live show is unlike any euphoria I’ve experienced elsewhere. The crowd was intense. We were literally packed like sardines down In the 3rd row of the pit, but everyone was giving off the best vibes. Nobody was fighting, people were saying ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’, and all were equally euphoric – albeit for a myriad of reasons. Brittany and I found ourselves engaged in several conversations with persons who have seen OM perform before – reassuring us that this was going to be one of those shows we never stopped talked about.
Finally, it started. The stage quickly filled with band members, props, crazy lights and actors. This show was the real deal – capturing every one of your senses and holding tight. I don’t have pictures – in fact – Brittany’s camera died before the show started, but if you follow the link above to Steph’s blog, her most recent entry has a few photos of the beauty  Please also refer to viewing live performance clips on YouTube. You won’t be sorry. I’d also like to point out how enamored I am with Kevin [lead singer] Barns. He completely fulfills that category in my heart that yearns for talented, sexy, cross-dressing lead singers. His sense of fashion completely blows me away, in fact. I’d love for him to take me shopping and pick out an entire outfit for me – and we could do each others makeup and hair… and go to a swanky party… or frolic with unicorns… or cuddle and share our deepest dreams and fears… or… Ooooh ok. You’re still here and reading this.
Back to a topic NOT verging on inappropriate.
I can’t remember last time I danced that much! I could have gone on for hours without realizing the time – which is pretty much what I did – until the stage cleared in preparation for the encore. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but I knew it would be anything and everything. Moments after a girl next to me grabbed her friend and shouted ‘OMG THEY’RE GOING TO DO THIS!! AAAH!!,’ Kevin popped back on stage wearing black sequin hot pants [have I mentioned how much I love sexy cross dressing lead singers???] along with the rest of OM, Janelle + Crew and all the stage performers to sing THRILLER and a collection of other MJ hits.
I’d like to point out that Janelle can moonwalk flawlessly. Yeah. The encore was amazing, and I believe it lasted for at least 10-15 minutes.
Not wanting for it to be over, we headed to the merch booth where I bought an OM poster [I’ll purchase a shirt offline later, along with Janelle’s entire music collection!!!] that I think I’m framing for sweet bathroom art [the colors really mesh in there].
After only 3 hours of sleep, I was up again for work. It’s been dragging here lately. I’m not sure what’s gotten into me – but what I do know – I can’t share at the moment. Soon enough, friends, soon enough.
Anyway, Wednesdays are my long days since I have band practice afterwards just around the corner.
I realized when I arrived to work that I never put my ID, check card or cash back into my wallet. Thanks to my great friend and coworker whom I affectionately refer to as ‘Jimmychanga’, I got something to eat for lunch, and the Larabar in my bag ensured some fuel to keep me through band practice. A brief shopping outing with my mom after work [I have 2 hours to play with between work and band] also left me with 3 oranges, $10 [and a rug for the front entrance of my house]. Thanks, Mom!
Band practice eventually rolled around, and that’s pretty much when things went farrrrrrrr south. Argumentative conversations, lengthy interludes of zoned out song composing, finding out that we’re scheduled to play on a hip hop night and my overall exhaustion paled in comparison to my anxiety issues kicking in at full force. Yep, I probably need professional help – or for that matter – to go back on my prescription, but for now, I am what I am.
When I have an ‘attack’, I feel very isolated, vulnerable and paranoid. It gets really loud in my head, and I can’t think straight. I feel like I’m in immediate danger of something that I can’t see or hear, but somehow, that doesn’t matter. I panic. My chest gets tight. My imagination and subconscious take control. It’s awful. Sometimes I cry or scream.
Needless to say, all I wanted was to go home.
My wish was eventually granted, and after settling in, I passed out on the couch until it was time to wake up. Fun, right?

That’s enough of a post for now. Next post will [probably] be about raw foods and some art. Yesssss.

mpr's first performance!

this past sunday was my band's [my pet raptor] first live performance. yes, we made it out of the cave that is chris's basement, in search of sunlight and [hopefully] positive feedback.
i'm a member of my neighborhood's village art council, 'SPVAC' [cutely pronounced 'speevack'], and they offered us a time slot to play at our [now] annual FAF arts sampler weekend.
after some issues with sound and hooking everything up, we were set to play.
i gotta say... not having my big ol' chunky headphones on [like in practice to help me hear my vocals better] was like riding without training wheels for the first time! ack. my security blanket was gone, and i had to rely more on

1) the fact that i can actually sing, and so therefore should trust that, even though i can't really hear what is coming out of my mouth
+
2) everyone in the audience was there to be supportive and and this was our chance to test the waters safely and positively

that plan ended up working out rather splendid, although, i wish i moved around a bit more. i was constantly conscious that a step in the wrong direction could interfere with feedback [our setup had to be just a certain way due to the space we were playing in, and any changes could result in rather unsavory results], along with the fact that i'm not comfortable enough with some of my lyrics, and had a stand set up so i could reference them.
overall, we all did a great job in my opinion. i was so proud of my band for finally getting that 'first gig' out of the way :)
it was neat meeting everyone's parents... paul's dad came up to me to shake my hand 'so you're the girl that sings...' hehe. it was cute.
i got choked up a few times - especially singing welcome pain - which is about losing my late cousin and best friend. after the show, it turns out several people reacted similarly. it's so crazy to wrap your head around your lyrics and music moving others...
it is also worth adding that while i write the bulk of the lyrics [unless otherwise noted], the entire band contributes to the music writing process. man. it's unreal to sit down and flesh out a tune. i'm learning piano so i can contribute more in this process [for the longest time, i'd hum the tune and hope for mutual comprehension, but i've recently downloaded several music apps for my phone that i use to record my musical thoughts [in a very basic, naive manner of course].
we will be watching our entire performance tomorrow night, and putting more songs together!
i probably have so much more to say, but as i'm 1) at work, + 2) super distracted, that will have to wait.
i leave you with a recording of a currently unnamed song [that we currently refer to as 'epic']\
from sunday...
or perhaps not.... it won't let me share it!!!
boooo.
xoxo
L